networking; a breeze for the "new kid"

When I was growing up we moved 15 times in 16 years, and no my father was not in the military. (it's a long boring story.) We lived in 7 different states. Twice we moved in the middle of a school year. Once we moved while I was at camp; I left for camp from our house in Pittsburgh and came "home" to a house in Birmingham Michigan.
You might think all that moving was a burden; it certainly was to our mother, who bore it all with calm and grace. For us, it was normal and,to us, exciting. As my mom unpacked moving boxes she would send me and my younger sister and brother out into the neighborhood to find kids our age to play with. I was the spokesperson, but all three of us became adept at meeting and getting to know people, over and over and over.
Flash forward a few (ahem) decades, and the three of us are grown (double ahem) and in the business world. For us, networking is alot like being the new kid. We are accustomed to walking into a room full of people we don't know. We learned very early on the importance of observing, asking questions, really listening to the answers, getting to know just a few people at first, and then building out from there.
In many ways, people are people be they 5 or 45. We all feel a little intimidated being the "new kid". But if we allow ourselves we can feel the excitement of meeting and forming relationships with new people; hearing their stories and learning about their lives. Letting them know about us and sharing our experiences.
One thing the three of us knew; friendships didn't happen overnight. They took time and energy, and lots and lots of paying attention. The same is true of successful networking. The good news is, now the three of us (although spread out over the country) have stayed put. As adults we've had the great gift of creating and nurturing relationships that will last a lifetime. Although, as eager networkers, we still get that "new kid" experience again and again.

the beauty of the 180 degree turn

One of my "bespeakisms" is "Turn your focus 180 degrees." By this I mean to urge you, the presenter, to focus on the audience rather than on yourself. Over the years I've found that in addition to being beneficial to the audience, it also greatly benefits the presenter; particularly the nervous presenter.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to help a client improve her facilitation skills. As we talked over the phone and met in person she described her excruciating preoccupation with herself, her mannerisms, her eye contact (or lack thereof) and her overwhelming feeling of being, well, overwhelmed while facilitating a workshop. This kind of confession is at once heartbreaking and heartening to me; heartbreaking because I hate to see and hear people experiencing that kind of thing, and heartening because I knew I could help.


The first thing I did was to assure her that facilitating a workshop takes practice and skill. It is not something any of us are born knowing how to do. The next thing we did was to talk about her audience, who they were and, more importantly, what they were feeling about the workshop.
  As we talked, it became clear that as scared as she was, her attendees were coming to this workshop even more scared. They were about to learn the results of surveys given to their teams, their peers, and their supervisors. It would be my client's job to create a safe, reassuring atmosphere right off the bat, so that the attendees could not only know how to interpret these results, but begin thinking of how they would use it to create action plans for themselves.

 Once she realized what her audience was feeling, she stopped thinking about herself. Eye contact became a necessity, something she understood the importance of and worked hard to practice. Her empathy and care about her attendees completely overtook her thoughts of herself and in the short time we spent together she became a sincere, commanding facilitator.

 Her supervisor wrote me that she'd "got her mojo back". Interestingly, it snuck up on her when she wasn't looking. She was too busy focusing on her audience; a focus turned 180 degrees.

Want an idea of what you really look like as a speaker? Hit the "mute" button

I just finished evaluating one of my very favorite clients. This is a super smart guy (not to be confused with a super smartypants guy; yuck.) with whom I've worked on developing some pretty high stakes presentations. This time, as luck would have it, his presentation was posted on youtube within 24 hours after he gave it. This gave us the oppportunity to evaluate his delivery.

The first thing I noticed, like immediately, was that he wasn't smiling. At all. Despite the fact that I'd SPECIFICALLY instructed him to smile when we'd prepped for the speech the day before. Now keep in mind this is a guy with a great sense of humor who I can hear smiling ON THE PHONE. ay yi yi.

From a content perspective, he hit it pretty much out of the park. He had an incredibly tight time frame, (7 minutes) and an important message, and he pulled it off beautifully. Not only did he make his planned points, he tied them in with what had been said before he spoke. Genius. Content wise, me happy. Delivery wise, not so much.

To make my point LOUD AND CLEAR (I'm a pretty petite person, but I make up for it hitting people over the head metaphorically speaking.) I advised him to watch the video of himself without the sound. Doing that he would see immediately what I was missing in his delivery.

Try it yourself. I guarantee it'll give you a whole different perspective on your presentation. And please, I beg you, don't forget to SMILE.

it's always the people

I was very fortunate to attend the Rethink Forum yesterday at the Sentry Center in NYC. The whole event was absolutely first rate and first class. The food was beautiful, delicious and plentiful. The personalization of everything from name badges to netbooks to programs was amazing and the technology involved was astonishing. This was a forum to rethink events, meetings and conferences and it was attended by about 300 people globally. The NYC speakers were streaming live to Paris, Copenhagen and Minnesota in addition to individuals who were logged in remotely at their own locations. The agenda for this half day event was ambitious (my head was spinning a little by the end, but I'm not a techie) there were cameras, video cameras, sound boards, three screens, a control booth... you name it, they had it, knew how to use it and did.
Yet with all of the fabulous innovation, inspiration and overall WOWness, the best part of the day for me was, (drum roll please) the people I met. From Ann and Rea, the masterminds behind LilyGild, a meeting and event company, to Michelle Alexander from Fundtech,a global solutions technology company, to my host Karan Spanard planning genius of Maryada Strategies, I loved getting to meet and talk to people in businesses related and unrelated to my own who had great things to say about the day, their work, their industry, their clients, and their worlds.
The hosts of the Rethink Forum absolutely gave me plenty to think about, but it was the people I met that made my day.

give 'em the "why"

How many people reading this floss their teeth on a regular basis? Most people don’t. They know a generic “they” “should”, but they really don’t understand the benefit of flossing, so they skip it. I floss every single day. You know why? A million years ago, when I was about 24 my dentist said to me, “Debbie, you need to take care of your gums. We can always replace a tooth, but if your gums go, there’s nothing protecting your teeth, no way to anchor a bridge, you’re sunk.” I like my teeth, I need my teeth, and if one or two has to go, I want to know they can put in a reasonable facsimile, so I floss.

Sometimes in a persuasive presentation, we must provide the audience with the "why". Your product or service absolutely solves a problem for them, but it's a problem they don't know they have. If you explain to them first what their problem is, or could be, you've got them eating out of your hand when you get to proposing your solution. Not only that, they're grateful to you for seeing the oncoming train which would have nailed them if not for your alerting them. Now they not only see the value in your product or service, they see the value in their relationship with YOU.

Think about that the next time you're preparing a pitch. Oh, and floss everyday too, will ya?

Volkswagen Commercial: The Force: Why is this a great commercial?

This was by far my favorite commercial from last night's Super Bowl. In fact, I've seen it twice again today and I think I like it better every time. So it gets me thinking, what is it about this ad that's so appealing? I don't think any of us would say it's about the car. Unlike the Chrysler ads, it's not about a city, a life style or a culture. I think it's about something in us. I think it's about the way the ad makes us feel. I think it takes us back to a part of us, or a part of our children that evokes a magical, powerful, anything is possible, I can move mountains (or maybe a golden retriever) kind of feeling. How does that feel? Inside? It's a feeling presenters would be wise to evoke. May the force be with you.

Getting started is the hardest part

Here in the Northeast we've had snow, snow and more snow. Although you wouldn't know it to look at me, I love getting out there and shoveling. It's a good thing too, because we live at the top of a relatively unforgiving hill with HUGE trees along the driveway. But with the insane amounts of snow we've had this winter even I am finding shoveling a daunting task some days.

Last week, for example, I woke up to over a foot of snow which had drifted on our front stoop and against our storm door. It took brute strength just to make it outside, and then I was standing in snow up to my knees, with no easy place to shovel it to. (there are walls of snow on either side of the driveway literally about 4 feet tall...)

So I began shoveling. What else could I do? I cleared the stoop and the stairs, and then little by little I began clearing the driveway. I had to think strategically; where was I to put this new snow? Where would we need room to maneuver the cars? By the time my son came out to help I'd created enough space for two of us to make even better progress. It took us three hours, but we did it.

The same is true with presentations. Beginning is the hardest part. It feels vast and overwhelming. There's so much to say, so much information to gather, so little time. I think this is why so many presenters simply copy and paste other people's slides and slam together a "presentation" that, when given, feels like a long dark ride on a bumpy road.

A better way would be to sit with a piece of paper and map out the presentation. Think about the presentation's purpose, the audience's problem and how you're solving it. THEN start building. The time you spend thinking will be the most valuable time of all. THAT'S the beginning; hard but necessary.