the bliss in asking for help

Another confession: I'm a real do-it-myself-er. I mow my own lawn, rake my own leaves, shovel my own snow, clean my own house. When we renovated one of our bathrooms, I did the demo work myself. Smashing through walls with a hammer gave me LOTS of pleasure. Likewise, raking and shoveling and mowing. House cleaning; not so much.



But lately, and honestly for a long time now, I've had the nagging knowledge that I need help with my business. I've reached a certain level and I want to go higher, can go higher, need to go higher. But some days (today being one) I feel like I'm walking in circles, confused and anxious, swearing under my breath. "I'm alone! I need help!" my mind wails to itself. "But we don't do that." the stubborn part of my brain says, "We keep plugging away til we get it right. C'mon. You're the queen of energy. Keep going long enough, you're bound to get there."



Probably true. But today I realized I don't want to keep going alone pushing and pushing until I get it right. I want to get help from someone I respect and trust. Someone who's way ahead of me, and has made a career out of helping people like me get there too.

So, I took a deep breath and reached out. I wrote the email, pleading for help and clicked send. I've gotta tell ya; I feel better already. In fact, I feel like I just made a really important step toward getting where I want to go. I'll keep you posted.

Help! My attitude's fallen and it can't get up

Ask my sister, my brother, heck anyone who knows me. I am the eternal Pollyanna. Gullible some would say. Lord knows I've found myself in a pickle or two because of my eternally optimistic outlook. Pragmatic is not the first word that comes to people's minds when describing me. "always smiling" would be more like it. but now, I'm horrified to say, my attitude has fallen and it's struggling to get up.

I vowed yesterday to stop watching the news. This will probably take a 12 step program because i was mainlining CNN and MSNBC during the election. NO more. These guys are total doom and gloom; yesterday I considered just napping all day; maybe catching episodes of "The Girls Next Door". Why bother working? According to the Washington Post (as gleefully displayed on Morning Joe) we're on edge of a total economic melt-down, catastrophe, apocalypse, Sodom and Gomorrah... you get the picture. ay yi yi. gimme my mommy, and throw in some twinkies while you're at it.

Well, now I'm amusing myself. totally. oops, there's a smile. And I confess, I worked yesterday, and today and I have a full day tomorrow... If I try really really hard, I can draw on the place in my brain that reminds me that this is AMERICA. The country people came to on ships, sleeping among livestock and strangers, in stormy seas, bringing barely ANY of their beloved "stuff". This is what this country is made of. It's made of US.

I'm an optimist because I was totally purely randomly lucky enough to be born HERE. Uh oh, my positive attitude, Pollyanna, sunny disposition's knocking. gotta go let it in.

you are here

Yesterday I met with one of the women I'd offered a free 45 minute consult, and we were discussing the nervous symptoms she experienced whenever she spoke to large groups. Although there are numerous theories about why we experience these things (sweating, heart pounding, knocking knees, etc.) - the most common idea is that it's perfectly normal adrenaline that some of us who love the spotlight interpret as a rush and others of us who would just as soon remain in the "shade" interpret as fear.

I think the experience is profound and physical for all of us, especially in this technologically advanced era, because when we stand up to speak we are totally unequivocally physically there. We're not coming in via phone, or email - all eyes are focused on US. We know it, and it's unnerving. I think the fact that we are, by virtue of standing in front of these people, asking for their undivided attention calls into play our own ego issues. Do we really want their undivided attention? Do we deserve it? Do we like it? If we think the answers to these questions are "no" then we're a big ol' bag of nerves. If, on the other hand, we KNOW the answers to these questions are a resounding YES, we're a gigantic bundle of "let me at 'em".

If we know we've developed a presentation with our audience in mind, we know we're about to address some pressing issue, problem or concern, we know we're then going to provide them with a bullet-proof solution, what's to be nervous about? They need what we're there to tell them. We absolutely want their undivided attention. We absolultely deserve it, and (believe it or not) we will like having it. Now the physical symptoms we feel are more like the rush than the fear. It's all in the focus.

action: the antidote to fear

I, like most people over 20, have been up nights lately worrying about the economy. What if the housing market really does crumble? What if more and more and more people lose their jobs until everyone is sitting at home with a bag of Oreos or Ritz Crackers or Ruffles staring at the TV? What if no one every hires me again and I pinch every last penny and still can't make ends meet? What if we're heading toward something like, "Children of God?" (God Forbid.) As I'm sure you've figured out by now I have a.) a BIG creative catastrophising-type mind and b.) had very little sleep in the recent past.

I am finding that this kind of fear can be paralyzing. It's a good thing for me to experience, because I coach people all day long who have a paralyzing fear of public speaking.

Anyway, today I had had all I could stand of standing still, so I picked up the 500 lb phone and started (gulp) calling people. Guess what? Not only were they happy to hear from me, they were eager to meet with me. SUNSHINE!! A new day! And I am a new (and not even so tired) woman.

It's not a beauty pageant, or a fashion show

A few nights ago I went out into the freezing cold to hear National Managing Director of Bernstein Financial, Richard Abramson, speak about the state of the markets. Like most of us, I'm not a big fan of venturing out, about 30 minutes down the highway on a weeknight when I could be in my sweats curled up on the couch watching TV. But, like most of us, I've lost some sleep over the economy and I was hoping this guy could provide some insight. (I should also say here that the whole left side of my brain, the numbers side, limps along at best, but I am determined to be a better informed grown-up.)


I arrived about 20 minutes late, and went right up to the front. If there was valuable information to be heard, I wanted to catch every word. A youngish handsome guy was clicking through a pretty typical looking powerpoint presentation extolling the virtues of Bernstein, (which wasn't horrible and was mercifully short) at the conclusion of which he introduced the man we'd all come to hear.


Up to the poduim lumbers this beefy man, wearing what I'm sure was an expensive, but horribly ill-fitting suit, glasses so big they needed their own windshield wipers, fingers like sausages. You get the idea. A candidate for Bay Watch this man was not. But let me tell you, about 5 minutes into his presentation I was positively smitten. This guy could talk, in complete sentences, using compelling language, in a way I could (almost always) follow. Even more engaging was the fact that he was given to using rhetorical questions, self-deprecation and EVERYTHING he said and did telegraphed "This guy's the real deal." At the conclusion of his presentation it was all I could do not to beg him to take my money and invest it.


My point? Don't worry if your suit's too small, your glasses too big, your face and/or body not red-carpet worthy. Your audience doesn't care, and too much caring on your part only leads to preoccupation - on YOUR part, and boredom and disconnection on theirs. Worry instead about your message. Make sure you're communicating it in the best, clearest, most compelling way possible. Put your heart and mind in it. Nobody cares about the rest.

How did Dorothy get back to Kansas?

A few weeks ago I was a presenter at the CFT (Center for Financial Training) conference in Newport RI, (and what a blast that was). Anyway, I happened to catch the last few minutes of The Wizard of Oz, one of my all time favorites. There was Dorothy, saying goodbye to the Scarecrow, clicking her heals together three times, and waking up in her own black and white life. How did she get there?

Here's a hint. It wasn't the shoes. It was her mind. My friend and business coach Marc Tannenbaum likes to say succeeding in business is a six inch game, it's all between the ears. Boy, is he right.

Dorothy had the power to go home all along. And it wasn't the Ruby Slippers that held the power. It was the six inches between her ears. All she had to do was believe that she could go home, and home she went. And so, I would posit, it is with us and all that we wish to do that we think is undoable.

I listen to people tell me, "I'm a terrible public speaker." and I think,"If you say so." What we believe we make real.

At the moment, we're being told that the economy is bad and it's only going to get worse. Here's what I think. I think we are some of the most creative, resourceful, hard working people on the planet. When we put our minds to something, we are unstoppable.

We rise or we fall. We succeed or we fail. We are good, we are great, we are mediocre. We find our way home. The power isn't in the shoes. It's in us.

go get 'em

The Gift of Public Speaking

I'm not talking about the gift of being a great speaker, as in the "gift of gab". I'm talking about the gift you are giving your audience when you "give" a presentation. Think about it. If you're doing it right (and if you're not, why do it at all) you've given a great deal of thought to your audience, your main goal, and your content. Then, you've practiced and practiced, edited and edited again (and flossed every day too, right?) until you've got the perfect present, I mean, present-ation. See where I'm going with this?

Your presentation should be a present to your audience, not a method of torture and punishment. After all, what'd they ever do to you? More important, what would you like them to do? I'll bet there is a pay off for you in there somewhere, even if it's a simple as a heart-felt thank you. Give them something to thank you about! Give them the gift of a great present-ation and you'll be heard.

go get 'em.